Good for the SAHW

Watch a weird sports-related movie with your husband once a while.

2010-04-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

We've been a little obsessed with watching Netflix movies instantly on our Wii. Last night we watched Big Fan starring Patton Oswalt. I humored my husband by watching it mainly because I was building up my points for when I want him to watch Shag with me again. (Sidenote: the topic of building up points was actually a hilarious episode on The King of Queens, which also featured Patton Oswalt.) But I'm glad we watched it. It's important to be interested in the things your spouse is interested in; even if you don't find those things to be all that interesting. Focus on his needs instead.

Here are some basic ones that I've learned from a a great book called His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage. According to the author, these are just needs that men and women tend to need in a marriage:

The husband tends to need:	The wife tends to need:
1. Sexual fulfillment	1. Affection
2. Recreational companionship	2. Conversation
3. An attractive spouse	3. Honesty and openness
4. Domestic support	4. Financial support
5. Admiration	5. Family commitment

I guess watching a weird sport-related movie with your husband counts as "recreational companionship." Awesome - one down, four more to go!

Reducing, reusing and recycling should be normal

2010-04-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it's been 40 years since the first Earth Day celebration? But I'm not surprised that it was started during the 60s hippie generation. Flower Power probably had so many meanings then.

I love flowers; but, I'm not doing anything particularly special to celebrate them or the earth today. I don't think anyone should -- eventually. I certainly don't agree with all the marketing hype about it to go shopping for more plastic things and unnecessary stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'm not downplaying the real message at all. I'm simply saying that reducing, reusing and recycling should be a normal part of everyday life.

I know I haven't been the best at it. I really wonder why though. I have a recycling bin that gets picked up every Wednesday. I have switched over to those squiggly lightbulbs. I don't leave the lights on in a room I'm not in (usually.) I say "paper" instead of "plastic" so I actually have something to put into my recycling bin.

But I still don't recycle as much as I probably should. What could make it easier for me to R-R-R?

Clear recycling directions on packaged products.

Can we even recycle milk cartons, soda bottles, yogurt containers, hard plastic cases that small electronics come in, shiny sale papers, embellished greeting cards, broken Christmas balls, peanut cans...? I could go on.

Clear and consistent recycling directions from the sanitation department.

What do they want us to recycle?
What do they not want us to throw in there?
How do they want us to prepare our recyclables? (i.e. some say you have to remove soda bottle caps from the bottle.)
When will recyclables be picked up? All types, on the designated day(s)? Or do we need to presort per day?

A starter set of two reusable shopping bags for every household.

I pay all my bills and taxes on time, I shop in my local community, I support our schools, I support our military, I am a defender of The Constitution...all the normal things that an average American has a duty and responsibility to do. With that being said, can a sista' get a couple of reusable shopping totes for free? Geesh. I might just have to design my own shopping bag to get it for free.

Public compost-able items dropoff/pickup.

I hate throwing banana peels, apple cores, orange rinds and overripe cucumbers, just to name a few, into the regular trash. If there was a public composting program, I'd support it. But someone, (maybe some local Freegans would jump on this?) would have to come pick it up just like they do with the trash. Or, they would need to have a huge POD (but that's an eyesore) at the end of the street where I could dump it myself; but again, they'd have to come pick it up when it was full. The more I think about this, I think this would be a great way to volunteer and contribute to a local community garden; or even just your neighbor's backyard garden. Lots of free tomatoes could be coming your way!

Affordable solar panels.

When Jon and Kate were getting their solar panels installed, I was a little jealous. But I quickly brought that envious idea back in because they do have the +8 factor going on and I definitely do not want that! But seriously, those solar panels were expensive. And I know they're going to pay off in the long run. But, isn't there a way that those little solar pathway lights or an outdoor solar speaker can be wired up to my house to give me a little bit of juice to run my hairdryer?

Energy kick-backs.

I suppose I'm already getting my kick-back with the money that I'm saving by turning off all electrical appliances when not in use. But, if I'm doing a good job, how about that free set of shopping totes anyway?

So while I wait for my two free shopping totes, I'll just rest on the idea that the goal should be to make more eco-concious decisions each day so that we can cancel Earth Day altogether.

392 Reasons to Go to the Park

2010-04-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

Skip the entry fee at all 392 national parks in the nation now through next Sunday.

What: National Park Week - FREE admission. Plus, special events, volunteer projects and promotions.
When: April 17, 2010 to April 25, 2010
Where: All 392 national parks
How: for more information visit http://www.nps.gov/npweek

Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?

2010-04-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

Isn't it ironic how Sesame Street can teach kids how to recognize helpful strangers and form a sense of community in their neighborhood with their song and book, "Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?". Yet, as adults we feel weird about knocking on our neighbor's door to ask to borrow a cup of sugar?

I was reminded of it's truth after reading an article about a new book called In the Neighborhood - The Search for Community on an American Street, One Sleepover at a Time by Peter Lovenheim.

It's a bold and clever idea for an adult man to ask his neighbors if he can sleep over at their house to get to know them better. Why not just ask to borrow a cup of sugar? Because no one does anymore. (Plus, it wouldn't be sugar you were asking for; it would be stevia, or agave nectar, right? Who has that to let you borrow anyway?)

The author discovers that "...his neighbors have very little to hide." However, Jennifer Howard, a writer for The Washington Post, who reviewed the book, thinks it's "...remarkable...how seldom those lives intersect." I agree with her that the days "...where people mind[ed] each other's kids or chat[ted] away a warm evening on the front stoop" are gone.

It's one of the challenges I have in my neighborhood as a SAHW. All of my neighbors are married. And only one other couple in my neighborhood doesn't have kids. Many of the wives stay at home; but, they are SAHMs who are busy with their kids, homeschooling and soccer practice. They even have their own homeschooling group in the neighborhood where they can interact with each other while their kids play alongside them.

So where does a SAHW fit in? I guess exactly where the SAHM and her husband fit in. I agree that everyone should work toward a goal of creating "...neighborly bonds...with quiet but real results." But Lovenheim suggests that "All we need to do is deliberately set out to know the person next door, or across the street, or down the block; to ring the bell and open the door."

If only it were that easy!

Italian In-fluencey

2010-04-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

My husband and I met through a mutual friend who told him right off the bat that our first date would be our last date if he took me to a chain restaurant. I'm a bit of a foodie, but, I usually won't turn down a free meal regardless of where I'm getting it. But thankfully he heeded the warning and made reservations at a family-owned restaurant that pleased both of our palates. Now that we're married, we both enjoy going out to eat about once a week, usually on our date night. Since we live in the DC Metro area, we have a plethora of restaurants to choose from. Here is a list of the places we've eaten at recently.

A La Lucia

Why you should go: The food was tasty. However, it wouldn't thrill a "foodie." But what made the place special was an Italian gentleman-server who was the real-deal by actually speaking fluent Italian too.
Dining Style: Casual Elegant
Cuisine: Italian
Lunch Prices: ~$7-$15. But they also serve a 3-course prix fix lunch ($20) and dinner ($30) every day

If you get a chance to venture past King St. in Old Town Alexandria, VA, you'll find a few places worth your attention. One of those places is the Italian restaurant, A La Lucia. I happened upon this place by way of a new friend that my husband and I met through the American Legion Post #24. He ordered the lasagna; I ordered the chicken ceasar salad; and we shared a side of garlicky, sauteed spinach along with a good conversation.

Tyler Perry and the ta-tahs.

2010-04-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

In addition to going out to eat once a week, my husband and I normally go to the movies once a week too. And usually, those two activities are combined together. Dinner and movie just go together like peanut butter and jelly don't they? We like all types of movies, except for the cartoons unless they're a "must see" with the nieces and nephews. But like most women, I mostly enjoy dramas, romantic and witty comedies, documentaries and smart suspenseful thrillers. But occasionally, a silly comedy makes its way into our date-night too. We also love our Netflix subscription; and, now that we can watch movies instantly on our Wii, we might turn date-night into a dinner-only and save the movie for a night-in.

We went to see Why Did I Get Married Too? at the movie theater this week and laughed a good deal. As with all Tyler Perry movies, there's definitely a message, and a method, to his madness. The movie explores the middle of what happens during the time period after the wedding and before a divorce (ahhh, that would be "marriage".) With many marriages ending, it's important to show that real married couples argue and that love is not a feeling --- it's an act. That's why the movie matters enough to go check it out; even if we have to be comedically entertained to get the serious message.

Music
I love music. All kinds. All genres. I carefully managed to hint to my husband that I needed a new Classic iPod to hold all of my music, videos and podcasts. I'm so glad he's a good listener! Each day I check out iTunes to see what's new so I can keep up with what's going on the big wide world of music entertainment. Here are the latest highlights in music that I'm sure you'll enjoy listening to or at least knowing about.

New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh
So I heard Erykah Badu was arrested for parading through the streets naked. Regardless of her desperate act to show her artistic side (pun intended), I had to take a quick listen to her latest album because I became a fan of hers with her debut album when "neo-soul" was all the rage. Instead of concentrating on what I don't like about her new musical direction, I'll let you know what's worth listening to. "Window Seat" (track #2) and "Gone Baby, Don't Be Long" (track #5) will satisfy those of us who remember her good 'ol days. Everything else on the album is just weird and somber.

It's time for a new bedroom look.

2010-04-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

I hardly ever shop without a coupon. Seriously. I hate paying full price for anything. And there's really no reason to when there are coupons, sales, rebates, specials and deals all over the place. Here are my recent savings and fabulous picks in home decor, dresses, shoes and beauty products.

I needed to freshen up our bedding because we have been using my tired old bed-in-a-bag set that I had before we even got married. Come to think of it, I had been using that set about 2 years before I even met my husband. Needless to say, it was time for a change. I wanted to go more spa-like and more subdued, but yet clean and fresh. I opted for a grey and white color combination with a couple of colorful accents. I scored at Target, especially thanks to a 20% off bedding coupon, and at Marshall's where they always have something on sale.

Pillows helped inspire my new bedroom look.

2 Weeks of Dinners

2010-04-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

Every week I create a dinner menu for my husband and I. Notice how I don't say I create breakfast or lunch menus -- because I don't! Because I'm a SAHW and not a SAHM, it's just me at home in the mornings and afternoons. I don't need a menu plan to feed myself because I usually just eat leftovers from the night before and my breakfasts are usually the same from day to day. (If you're wondering what I eat for breakfast, here goes: 1)an egg, mini bagel and a tomato 2)a bowl of oatmeal with fruit mixed in along with a tablespoon of ground flax or 3)greek yogurt with granola and fruit.

Back to my dinners...He loves coming home from work to the satisfying aromas of a home-cooked meal every night. We've essentially cut out red meat from our diets and haven't really missed it. (However, I do love me some lamb!)

You'll find helpful links to recipes that I might use for inspiration or cooking method tips. However, I don't necessarily follow them perfectly (unless I am baking.) Most of the time my menus consist of meals that I just "know how to make." However, I love reading cookbooks and trying new recipes often enough to where making chicken florentine, for example, becomes second nature.

April 18 - April 24 - Still Easy, especially since I'm not cooking for two nights.

Mon	It's BYOS (Build Your Own Salad) Night! (Cut up all sorts of veggies, or defrost lots of frozen ones, grill up some chicken or other protein, set out some beans, croutons and whatever else you have and allow your husband to make his own masterpiece -- and don't balk when he tops it all with heaps of ranch dressing. It's BYOS Night. Let a man eat his salad in peace!)
Tues	Spaghetti with marinara sauce
Wed	Shrimp fajitas with my most favorite corn salad from my most favorite foodtv chef, Ina Garten, in the world.
Thur	Lamb chops, lima beans and a tomato and feta salad
Fri	Grilled salmon with sauteed spinach
Sat	On vacation!
Sun	On vacation!

April 11 - April 17 - Easy, No Red Meat

Mon	Grilled salmon with fettucine alfredo and peas and carrots
Tues	Fake-fried or oven-fried chicken fingers salad
Wed	Chicken and prosciutto tortelloni with tomatoes and basil
Thur	Veggie fried rice with spring rolls
Fri	Homemade barbecue chicken pizza with a side salad
Sat	Black beans n’ rice casserole
Sun	Tuna melts with roasted sweet potato wedges

Volunteering is good for the SAHW

2010-04-19T12:31:00.001-07:00

Volunteering is good for the soul. It's particularly good for the SAHW or Stay At Home Wife who doesn't have kids yet; like me. It's an especially good answer to the inevitable, yet frustrating question, "So, what do you do all day then if you don't have kids?" Trust me, there is plenty to do without having kids around. But volunteering seems to make better sense to those who forget that SAHWs do all the same household chores, making travel arrangements (when you don't have kids, you're always the one traveling to someone else's house during rush hour, holidays, birthdays and barbecues), organizing event plans, working out, managing finances, creating and cooking weekly menus, running errands, etc.etc. and the like. We just normally finish them in a reasonable amount a time where there might be a few hours to give back.

Here are some great volunteering opportunities for the SAHW to use her talents and time to help connect with others and organizations in need.

USO - Volunteer your time for the men and women who proudly serve our country.
Jaime Oliver's Food Revolution - Take action in your local community to improve school lunches.
Idealist.org - Help find practical solutions to social and environmental problems, in a spirit of generosity and mutual respect.

Not sure who needs your skills and talents? Check out The Give Back Guide from the Dec '09 issue of Women's Health Magazine for some ideas.

You care about me? You really really care about me?

2010-04-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh compassion. It feels good to give it. It feels great to receive it. It even sounds good. According to a PARADE poll, more Americans think of "public service" as a way of life now more than ever. The economy is tough right now. Even those who are out of work are willing to work for free in hopes of landing a more permanent position. But most people doing their duty are "...motivated toward public service by simple altruism - 60% want to help other people, and 57% want to make the world a better place."

So who's in this new wave of helpers and volunteers? PARADE's survey uncovered three types of people who are driving change.

Yeppies - Young, engaged problem solvers. This group is probably made up of mostly Millenials who believe in themselves so much so that they believe "...that individuals can solve social problems" and on a world-wide level at that. They use the power of social media to increase their reach and influence.

Rapid Responders - Less wordly, more locally. They care about their civic duty and community on a focused and personal level. GenX'ers would be a great fit here as they're "aware" of their surroundings and the problems that persist in it. They want to help on a smaller scale by also engaging their peers to do the same.

The Mission-Minded - It's their mission to ensure that basic needs are met. This group is older, wiser and more experienced. And consequently might have a more money to travel to fulfill their duty to volunteer. They're guided by the ability of religious groups "...to fix the world's problems."

Don't think you fit in either of these new groups of volunteers? To find ways you can contribute your time, talent and skills, check out the Volunteering section on my blog.

For stories of more people making a difference in their communities, visit www.parade.com/cares.

Teens live their real lives in a virtual playground

2010-04-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

As tech-savvy as teenagers are these days, I'm convinced they still have no idea how wifi, cell phones and text messages actually work. It would pay off royally if parents supported, and teachers taught, "communications in the digital age" or "legal issues with advanced technologies" as required classes. The virtual world is their world; there is no land of make believe. And yet, they're pretty good at playing some very adult, but dangerous games.

Just the other day I explained to a teenager why sexting is not a form of private communication and should not be treated as a method to support relationships or create intimacy with anyone. I was astonished by how they really believe they are having a private conversation with someone. Seriously? I thought we were in the age of facebook, twitter and myspace where we know what everyone is having for lunch. I guess the teenage mind simply can't see the similarities between the exchange, or rather the broadcast, of information on social media sites and their personal cell phones and smart phones.

Evidence of their lack of knowledge, coupled with the craziness of adolescence, can be seen in today's news with Phoebe Prince, the 15-year-old girl who committed suicide on Jan. 14 because she was cyberbullied by a pack of mean girls. Megan Meier, the 13-year-old for whom the Cyberbullying Prevention Act of 2006 was named for, committed suicide after endless taunts from her fake boyfriend on myspace.

So what are we doing about it? Nancy Gibbs' essay, Sticks and Stones, suggests that the issue of dealing with cyberbullying "...brings us into slippery realms." And that "...laws [should] be applied predictably."

I agree with her that the law isn't entirely clear. However, the main idea seems like a sound starting point to me. Bullying should be punishable if there is a calculated intention, according to the CPA of 2006, to "coerce, intimidate, harass or cause substantial emotional distress to another person."

If we can get the message to teens that there are real consequences to playing nasty little games in a virtual playground, we can definitely spare some real lives.